Lance and the Giant, Green, Fire Breathing Sea Serpent Costume

Hmmmm. I find myself with a blog, so I figured I'd put up stories that I wrote for the Greasy Kid Stuff radio show on WFMU. Greasy Kid Stuff isn't on WFMU anymore, but is still alive and well and being broadcast from Oregon. Maybe if I can break my long-standing dry spell and can come up with new story ideas, then Belinda, Hova and Georgia will let me back on the show. For now, here are some reruns...

LANCE AND THE GIANT, GREEN, FIRE-BREATHING SEA SERPENT COSTUME

There once was a boy named Lance. And Lance always liked to be noticed. Everything he did had to be big. Each Christmas was like a Broadway show with dancers and flashing lights. And all of his birthdays were like the 4th of July- marching bands, parades, fireworks.

One Halloween, he had an idea. He was getting too old for tiny little candy bars and gummi bears. He thought that if he had a really, really impressive costume - the biggest, scariest costume ever, then people would give him, not candy, but toys, money and, best of all, his favorite - delicious, old-fashioned, red birch beer.

So he begged his mother until she gave in, which she always did, eventually. Then she started building a costume for him - a huge, green, fire-breathing sea serpent outfit. When it was done, it filled up the whole garage. It just barely fit out of the garage door.

On Halloween, when Lance saw it, he was very happy. It was exactly what he wanted. His mother helped him get inside and showed him how to operate the fire-breathing mechanism. Lance was very excited! He couldn't wait to show everyone. So he kissed his mother good-bye, and rushed to catch up with his friends who were already trick-or-treating. Unfortunately, when they saw him, they were so scared that they all ran away. This annoyed Lance. He wanted them to clap for him, maybe ride on his back. "Their loss!" he thought. Then, he decided to go trick-or-treating alone.

But everything just went wrong. Every time he rang someone's doorbell, he'd accidentally break down the front door and blow fire out of his nose, destroying everything. Before he could even say, "Trick-or-treat!" everyone would run away screaming. He tried to chase after them, but things kept getting in his way, like billboards, telephone poles and fire engines. He pushed them all aside, getting very angry.

He wasn't having fun at all! This was a terrible Halloween. The worst one he'd ever had. No toys. No birch beer. Not even a tiny, bite-size candy bar. Finally, he gave up, went home, empty-handed. But when his mother saw him, she didn't even recognize him. She was so terrified that she forgot about his costume. She locked the door and wouldn't let him in the house. He wanted to show her who he really was, but he couldn't get out of his sea serpent outfit. The zipper was stuck! He tried to call to his mother, but all that came from his mouth were flames.

Lance became very sad. He wandered around the town, accidentally setting things on fire. He didn't know where to go. Soon, he got so tired that he just crawled into a lake to go to sleep.

And that's where he lives now. A lot of grownups in the town don't think he exists, but all of the kids know. That's why every Halloween, after trick-or-treating, they go to the lake, and leave treats for the boy, who had the biggest and best costume ever - Lance, the giant green fire-breathing sea serpent!