Lance and His Recurring Vanishing Pants Dream

I like this story and it's fun when kids chant along. "Lance! Lance! Where's your pants?"

LANCE AND HIS RECURRING VANISHING PANTS DREAM

One night, Lance had a horrible nightmare - the worst he'd ever had.
In his dream, he got ready for school as he always did. He dressed, had his regular breakfast - grape juice and gummi flakes. Then he kissed his mother good-bye, grabbed his lunch and walked to school. It all seemed very normal until he stepped into his classroom, and suddenly everyone turned to him, laughing and pointing. When he looked down, he realized what they were laughing at - He wasn't wearing any pants! That's when Lance woke up screaming.
Afterwards, he was thankful that it was just a dream, but he still felt uneasy. In school that day, he kept checking his pants. Obsessively, he replayed the dream in his mind. In it, he definitely remembered choosing a pair of pants, but he couldn't recall putting them on. Had he forgotten to? Or had they vanished for no reason?
That night, he dreamed again. It was the same nightmare, except even worse. This time, when Lance realized he wasn't wearing any pants, he stumbled out into the hall trying to run away. But everywhere he went, he saw people laughing and pointing. They all cried, "LANCE! LANCE! WHERE'S YOUR PANTS?" And again, Lance woke up screaming.
From then on, he had the same dream every night. He tried everything to stop it. He tried forcing himself to stay awake. He even tried wearing pants to bed. But nothing helped. He grew exhausted, frightened, paranoid. All day at school, he would twitch nervously while eyeing the other children. Every time someone laughed, Lance would flinch, clutching his jeans, holding them tightly against his body. And all the time, the words haunted him - "LANCE! LANCE! WHERE'S YOUR PANTS?"
Finally, his mother decided to take him to a psychiatrist. Luckily, she'd heard that there was one nearby that specialized in chronic vanishing-pants-dream disorder.
Lance felt embarrassed as he described his dream to the specialist. He kept expecting the doctor to suddenly point at him and break out laughing. But the doctor didn't laugh or point. He just listened, nodded and stroked his beard until Lance was finished. Then he said, "Lance, do you have any friends?"
"I don't really have time for that", replied Lance. "You see, I'm a ventriloquist. My dummy's name is also Lance!"
"I see", said the doctor. Then he wrote something down in his book. "Lance", he continued. "In your dream, your pants represent a security blanket, protecting you from your classmates. Your fear that your pants will disappear is a fear of being exposed to their ridicule. You see, Lance, your real problem is not your dream. It is that you are socially awkward and extremely insecure. You are terrified of other children, and as long as this fear persists, you will continue to dream of losing your pants. I would recommend getting involved in an extracurricular activity - perhaps crab soccer."
"What a wonderful idea!" exclaimed Lance's mother.
Lance didn't agree. He thought it was ridiculous. What does playing crab soccer have to do with his pants disappearing? And besides, he'd had a bad experience trying out for the crab soccer team in the past. Vehemently, Lance argued against the idea. He pleaded and even threw a tantrum, but his mother wouldn't listen. The following day, she signed him up for the crab soccer team against his will.
Lance arrived late to the first practice and, as he changed in the locker room, he desperately tried to think of how he could excuse himself. He mentally prepared a speech to the coach explaining his philosophy that sports should only be played by talented professionals. There was just no room in the world for amateurs. They just waste everyone's time.
Repeating these words to himself, Lance marched out onto the field. He approached the others, trying to stop himself from trembling. Suddenly, everyone grew silent. Then they all started laughing and pointing. Lance looked down.
He wasn't wearing any shorts! He had been so preoccupied that he had forgotten to put them on.
But as he stood there with no pants, surrounded by giggling children, he realized something surprising - It wasn't horrible at all. Actually, it was fun! Instead of screaming, Lance began laughing along with the others. When they chanted, "Lance! Lance! Where's your pants?" he chanted along. "I AM LANCE! I HAVE NO PANTS!" And as the coach chased him around the field, he chanted even louder.
It felt so good to be at school with no pants on! His dream wasn't a nightmare at all, but a fantastic premonition - A foreshadowing of the day that the whole crab soccer team would applaud him, and declare that he was the funniest boy ever!
Unfortunately, before practice was over, the coach kicked him off the team again. Lance was not discouraged. He hurried home, eager to fall asleep and have his nightmare. Instead, he dreamed of birch beer and gummi candy - of all sorts of wonderful things. Lance woke up dissatisfied.
After that, every night was the same. Lance would go to bed, excited, hoping to relive his moment of glory, and he'd wake up sad and disappointed.
Eventually, he gave up hoping. Whether he liked it or not, he was cured - His pants would never vanish again!